Tuesday, December 9, 2014

How to know if a friend is your friend

Hello readers! As usual, this will be a lengthy post to address some issues that i have try to keep it under but decided to write this post.

I know the possible consequences, the moment i decided to complete this post and publish it, that will means the end of our friendship that i have once cherished with a friend.

The story started when i first decided to enrol in Kaplan to pursue my degree. The sales consultant explained to me that if i have any friends that i know of can indicate their name on my application form, once the application form has been processed. I will receive $700 via cheque as referral fee.
At that point of time, i couldn't think of any names and Kiti told me she has a friend she knew that studied in Kaplan so maybe i can put her friend name. I have assumed the $700 cheque will state my name as the sales consultant didn't told me except that i will receive the $700.

Besides, i would feel that this $700 is rightfully my own money that they have charge from the school fee. So kiti was saying that i should give her a treat when i receive the $700 since it was thanks to her that i got a name to indicate. I was perfectly ok to giving her a treat.

After a few months when the class started, the sales consultant came to look for me and issue me the cheque for the referral fee and this was when i realise its kind of complicated because the cheque name was Kiti's friend instead of me. So that means i have to contact her friend to inform him that i have a cheque that is written to him as referral fee but it wasn't through his referral that i decided to enrol in Kaplan. We was just using his name. (Which i have already told Kiti beforehand to inform her friend when i wrote his name down and she say ok)

I have other classmates receiving the cheque and most of them was able to get back their $700 in full amount because their friend was pretty ok with using their name and returning the $ back to them. For this friend whom i have never met, i was not v sure whether he will be kind enough to return the $700 so i told Kiti, you can try to talk to him, if he is not willing, we can have a spilt, 50-50 agreement. Because its better than i get nothing out of it? I guess. Afterall, he might decided not to give me at all when i bank in. To me, money is pretty much sensitive topic even among friends.
But what makes me so frustrated with her was,she is siding with her friend, taking sides for him because she claimed we use his name without asking for permission.

However she probably forgot the fact in the first place, she was the one who give me her friend name.  So she feel that her friend deserve to spilt $350 just by using his name.
At that time, i went to check, another alternative was to pay $50 to change the referral name. I could change to another friend that i was very sure they would give me the full amount back.

However, she convince me that her friend can be trusted and reliable.
I don't know what went over my mind to trust her so i went to deposit the cheque believing that her friend will keep to his promise of the 50-50 agreement. All this while, she was the middleman liaising between me and her friend. The money should be credited by next week however i didnt receive the $ as promised. I have to keep asking her for the update of the $ to be credited back to me. When i ask for her friend's number she was reluctant to give it to me, then telling me she didn't told her friends that it was me that use his name but her that use her friend name.

At this point of time, i find whatever she said to me before was contradicting and she seem to hide things from me because if she is worried that her friend might not return me the $ if he know its was me that use his name, why did she even bother suggesting her friend name to me in the first place? It completely overthrow her statement of her friend being reliable and trustworthy no?

It was only after this entire incident that i realise how hypocrite she is as a person. I had to spend more than a week to get back that $350 and it was until i put in so much effort to chase her to get her friend to transfer me the $. During the chasing period, i still have to tolerate her being frustrated at me because i was chasing her but she doesn't see it like it's her responsibility in ensuring that her friend transferred the money instead of me asking her to check.

Frankly, when i know the money should have been credited in long ago, i was worried her friend has no intention to transfer because she was telling me all sort of excuses. ibanking is so advanced nowsdays, it takes less than 5min to do the transfer, and there are many ATMs around so no excuse for no ibanking and can't locate a proper ATM within Singapore.

I took to Twitter platform to complain about her friend because i was so angry after several attempts to get the $ back. She read my tweets and got angry as she ask me not to indicate her name. Oh please, i wouldn't have to resort to complaining about your friend if this issue was handle properly in the first place? She still got the cheek to blame me? I know we have mutual friends and she probably feel i am tarnishing her image but she is also doing the same when she tweet about me too. Not that i care because my conscience is clear anyway.

Even though i manage to get the $ back but she was telling me she don't need me to give her the treat because she is tired of being the messenger between me and her friend.

To me, since i have already make the promise, there was nothing wrong to give her a treat as what she requested previously even though this was after so much effort of getting the $ back.
However after the incident was over and few days later, she was tweeting about me

This was extracted from her tweets as shown below : 
'see this kind of person worth trusting? you fled even faster than my friend! i think i should also screenshot everything and show to the police or pass to the police too!' its almost similar even without the screenshot. 

I shown it to my several friends with the screenshot and they could vouch for it.
i guess it is no coincidence that she has other friends about the same time frame that told her something about reporting to the police?This was my last resort when i told her if i don't get the money by a certain date, i am going to report police. (Before the friend finally transferred to me.)

The only reason i could only think of her tweet above was the promise of the dinner treat that i have not been able to meet her, i was not even avoiding her at all, i was just busy. I was angry but at the same time, it has make me look at her in a different light. A friend that i am willing to end the friendship because of her disgusting acts. I still kept my promise and give her treat that she wanted so much. Right after the treat, she was the one that gone MIA. 

If a meal cost is what it takes to see a person true color, i am glad this meal was well worth. She mentioned in her other tweets that i have been seeking for her help in alot of issue and she shouldn't even help me.

Frankly, I cannot remember asking any of her fucking help in whatever.
but i remember the number of times she talk to me with a motive.
1. When her bloody face got some breakouts, she called me immediately asking me for help, asking me for advice from my boss regarding her face.
I seriously regret introducing her to see my boss because she spend such a long time in the consultation and hogging up the entire queue and probably why my boss dont even give her a discount when he used to give to my other friends.

2. She ask me to help her take slimming pills so that she could consume or for her aunt etc i remember helping her to get 2 box of it, and i cannot remember if she did transfer me the money for the pills. I only remember she did not pass me any $ at the same time when i pass her the medicine.

3. When she decided to apply for an admin inside the army, and got rejected and tried to ask me to ask my bf for help to see if she could get recruited in.
She only know how to make use of others when she is in need of help.

4. Request for my lecture notes so that she could use it to give some tuition to her friends or students.
This was after the money issue incident. Being generous, i did pass her some of my lecture notes to her. 

After the incident, we no longer talk as often and to be honest, i was not planning to stay in contact with her too until few month ago when i started on a losing weight regime as my bf was overseas and i wanted to give him a surprise when he is back. She saw and came to private message me telling me i lose so much weight and asking about my weight. 
I guess i was being dumb to tell her and she didnt reply until weeks later she message me again asking me about some xenical medicine for slimming purpose.
Talking to me with a motive again. 
when she need me, she come looking for me, when she don't, she disappear.

This is also why i feel the need to clarify the entire issue to prevent misleading others into thinking she is the victim from everything.

If we have any mutual friends reading whatever i am writing right now, and thinking whether you should let her know, go ahead. 
i am not twisting the facts. 
whatever i say is the truth, i am game on for confrontation too.


At the end of the day, we are no longer even acquaintances.
She is so insignificant that i didn't even realise she blocked me on wechat and whatsapp after that and i didn't even know when it was. Not that i care. Haha
Having a dog is better than having you around as my friend.

I am still very grateful to have some of my close friends who will never try to take advantage of me like her. To anyone out there, if you observed you have such a friend like this, its time to get rid of this kind of friend because they will never think for you but for themselves only, and you will end up being used at the end of the day.
till then!